.............Or in my case, nothin says emotional like something from the oven. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it though. These past few weeks I've been baking up a storm; cookies, cakes, scones, truffle stuffed cake balls, more cookies, more cookies, more cookies! It's getting a little rediculous! All these yummies mixed with my new passion for sauteing and breading and sauces makes for supreme self sabotage when it comes to my weight loss plans!
The past few months have been a roller-coaster. Actually, it's more like this past year. The hubby went to work in Alaska for 3-4 months last April. When he returned home we decided to make the move across 2 states. We were moved by Halloween and in our own place by Thanksgiving. Talk about a whirlwind! It seems the dust is finally starting to settle, settle right into spring fever unfortunately. Now that I have kind of found a routine with the little people and almost feel moved in to our house I am starting to realize how much I miss our 'old life'. Funny when I reliaze it was the day in-day out monotany (that I so loathed at the time), that I find myself wishing for! I miss our pot-hole minefield of a driveway, my too-small kitchen, lack of decent radio stations, and living so far from anything that resembled a real city. And of course, my family and dear friends. Being able to 'stop-in' for a quick visit, a cup of coffee or for no reason at all other than we were in the neighborhood.
Most people would come to the conclusion that since emotions have caused me to make all sorts of sugary sweet treats that I must be an emotional eater. But I don't think so-I am an emotional baker! It's not so much the desire to devour these tidbits of goodness, it's just MAKING them. I think it's a bit of my controlling nature coming to the surface, the sweet, sugary, calorie-filled surface. I like baking, borderline on love baking. It's fun, creative, makes my house smell good, and I can CONTROL every aspect of it. I get to decide what to make, how to make it, if I want to change things in the recipe-or go all out and try something completely on the fly. And then, I control the speed at which things get mixed up(something I so wish I had control of in my everyday life!) When all is mixed I get to decide the size and/or shape of what I am creating. And then the pay-off! You may think I am referring to eating the finished product, and as much of a benefit as that is, it's not the big pay-off I am referring to. I mean the completion of a project. Start to finish, in my time-frame. That. Is. Huge.
We have dreams, this little family of ours, and they are not the small time 'normal' dreams. We're not talking owning a home with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids(since we already have 3, that part just wouldn't work anyway!). Our dreams aren't the kind you can save up for and purchase. They are the kind where all has to be in place by divine order and timing. The kind where you sacrifice the 'normal' for the small chance of the extraordinary. Giving all and then some to try for the seemingly unobtainable. All that being said, our dreams are not like cookies. So in my life of uncertain outcomes, cookies(and baking in general) give me a sense of power and control. I made my kids, but I can't control them, I'm trying to make a life here, but I can't control it, I made a routine, but it tries to control me! But cookies...I can control them, mwa-ha-ha-ha!!!! I am the Cookie Dictator!!! And if I'm really feeling the need, I can even control how many I will consume..........but letting go of control sometimes is a good thing, right? That's what I've always been told!
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